Author Archives: figaro9000

Red Bull TV’s “Liquid Science” with GZA of the Wu Tang Clan

You can see me rocking (0:15)! playing chess (2:14)! being frozen cryogenically (4:49)! collapsing (15:17)! and being unfrozen (20:40)! Advertisements

Gärtner, Gardner, Guerner – Any Connection?

My grandfather was born in Radautz, Romania, in the late 19th century. His last name was Gärtner (sometimes spelled Gaertner), which he anglicized to Gardner upon immigrating to the U.S. Around the time of my grandfather’s birth, in the same small city, Heinrich Gärtner was born. Could they have been cousins? Heinrich was prominent in […]


This is a comedy web-series about paralegals in a big law firm. It’s well produced and funny. I appear in Episode 2 in a taped greeting from a senior partner.


These were all made recently. It isn’t length that determines value, but the idea behind the film . . . and the quality of its making. I appear in roles of varying prominence.   MEMOIRES Note the use of a drone camera and drone lighting.   SCRATCH-OFF Excellent short film by NYU students.   POPS […]

Free Offer – New Collection

    I have just compiled a book-length collection of my stories, humor, and nonfiction. It’s called NOT WHAT YOU THINK. I’d appreciate feedback from anyone who’d like to read it, concerning what works; what doesn’t work; or how the order of pieces could be improved. I’ll send it as a document attached to an […]

A New Very Short Film

A cast of two. Five minutes to define the relationship between a father and a son.


I dropped the tax papers off for the accountant. I saw the doctor. “Nothing to worry about,” he said. I bought shoes, went home for lunch, and napped. Then made appointments, sent a sample of my voice, spoke to someone about casting. I tried to read a book about poetry, but it was boring. It’s […]