Monthly Archives: July 2013

How Do You Like Me So Far?

This title is a line that Henny Youngman is supposed to have used as the opening line for a routine. It’s funny because – aside from the paradox of the audience knowing anything about the performance before it has taken place – it shows a performer’s anxiety and, okay, narcissism. An old joke: the actor […]


From My First 4 Years of Acting (As Available) ACTING REEL DRAMA THE BOY AND THE CHESS PLAYER NYU Graduate Film The Chess Player DREAM LOVER Bard Student Film Professor beg. 0:57 Evil, I: ANGEL OF DEATH Discovery ID Teaser: image at beginning Fatal Encounters: SAUSAGE KING Discovery ID Neighbor […]


  One day after the war, drivers were warned to park elsewhere. Trucks came with hot asphalt, the most acrid smell I’d experienced in my four summers. They pickaxed and dug, filling the holes and cracks, then spread a perfect black surface sidewalk to sidewalk. So I thought the way of the world was that […]


This is what can happen when you model for stock photos: Photos with various “wives” including one with my real wife:   From a condom ad: Me as Neptune:


SONG                            Too little ozone, or too much, Is starting to destroy us. But the sky is very clear today And I am feeling joyous.   On the street we look at crimes Like the making of a movie. But the zephyr blows a little kiss And I am feeling groovy.   The signs are […]

CELEBRITY – Part Three

BARNEY Here’s what you’re gonna do: take your name back–be proud of it!    GLORIA Well, I can think about it.   BARNEY Next, move back to your original apartment!   GLORIA They went co-op.   BARNEY You can lift up your chin and tell everyone who you are! Go ahead: tell everyone in the […]


BARNEY Hey, don’t leave.   (Gets up, moves his things to her table.)   I think it’s better if I sit here and keep my voice down.—Stay, Gloria, please.   (She sits, looks down at her plate.)   It’s funny: you were on thousands of those posters–and now you don’t want a stranger like me […]